Pickle Pizzza

I love Pizza. It's kind of my guilty pleasure in life. I'm a sucker for pizza, and I love mine loaded with toppings. Bacon, Pepperoni, chicken, tomatoes, cheese, feta cheese, spinach, onions, pineapple, capers, sausage, canadian bacon, and everything else you could imagine.

Tonight I was cravin pizza, and with nobody in my house I was like I'm gonna fix the big pizza and put everything we have on it! So i got my pizza ready put it in the oven, went and watched some tv and then heard it go off and I was like yes!!!! FOOD TIME!!!! Then I went to take it out and was like I need to put some toppings on it. So I look in the fridge and.... nothing. Literally there is no food in our fridge... it was the most depressing thing I had ever seen. I was looking for anything to put on the pizza, no cheese, no ham, no nothing. Then I saw something... a jar of pickles. I thought, this sounds really gross. But then again so did capers, and they were awesome, so I thought why not I can put it on one slice and if I don't like it I'll just eat cheese pizza.

NOTE TO SELF:PICKLES ON PIZZA IS THE MOST AMAZING EXPERIENCE ANYONE CAN EVER HAVE!!!! I don't know how to explain but it was amazing, kind of salty and cheesey at the same time and I loved it!

Then later, cause I ate the pizza right before I went to sleep, I had a amazingly hot dream. Like the kind that you really enjoy and don't want to wake up from, so pickle pizza is amazing and induces hot dreams that everyone should experience.

Side note: pickles used were not sweet gerkins, those are the devil

A Slap to the face, and one to the knee!

I have recently fallen in love with Michael Jackson all over again. Great part is it's not all the well known songs, mostly the stuff he did in the Wiz is what I'm listening too, and I love it so much. "You Can't Win" is probably my favorite for it's rip snortin bassoon solo and it's quick time funk feel. It just makes me wanna dance a jig or something!!

Also I have rediscovered Fiona Apple. She is an artist all her own, her lyrics and music are so moving to me. That deep voice and that lyrical piano make me swoon like crazy. It moves me to an extent that I thought only classical music could do for me. But now I'm starting to see the beauty and feeling in each piece of music. Some songs have a purpose, most of which to dance to and sometimes they tell a story. Whether it's Shewolf by Shakira or Peter and The Wolf each has a story that can be told.

Today was an great freakin day. I learned that music is different to each person and if the music accomplishes what it's composer set out to do then it is a success and you should feel special to listen to that music. Rediscovering new artists has helped me rediscover music in a sense that I have touched on before not really let myself believe. So far I like it

Love is all you need?

Today I feel calm, and anxious all at the same time. I went to bed feeling horrible. I realized that I had single handedly destroyed what I wanted the most. I broke someone down by being so needy that they didn't want to take it anymore. First I was okay with splitting up because I knew that it was the right thing and I thought I could convince myself eventually we would be happier when we figured out what we wanted. Then I lost it and did some really "rotten things" (his words not mine, but he was right on the money anyway) and I broke what I had left even more. I went back on my words to him, and I fully understood why he had left me in he first place. I wasn't what he wanted, I wasn't good looking enough, I wasn't handsome enough, I was too up tight, I was too clingy. I was just horrible to him and I'm amazed he even stayed with me for as long as he did.

Today I woke up with a sense of renewed hope. I hang on to a lot of things. Like love and hope. Cause I'm a romantic and it's awesome being a romantic because everyone thinks your cute, just not what todays media and world view wants us to think. We don't want cute, we want our nasty dirty hot sex in a bathroom stall on the edge of our fantasy kind of things. I guess maybe thats what he wants I don't know and I really hope he finds it. Cause I love him, still do even though I was horrible to him, and right now I just want him to be happy and find what he's looking for. I mean secretly I want that to be me, but I'm gonna have to accept the fact that it may not be that way. It's tough but I have to do it for myself and for him.

"Love is like a stubborn youth, which you'd rather just deny" - La Roux

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew_c5ewoVQk&feature=avmsc2

La Roux is my go to band now a days. They always seem to know just what to say. And it helps that there is an awesome keyboard solo in every single song! I'm probably gonna run myself silly over this man but I can't help it. He was the first person I ever felt really happy with, and I know it was the same for him for a while. I know now it was my fault that things went down the way they did, and I can't apologize enough to him for it.

Love may be all you need, but right now I have myself, and it's rough but were makin it work.

Sleep Deprived=Crazy Thought Patterns

I probably should have gotten more sleep than I did last night but as usual right after I feel tired and junk and finally get in bed and lay on my side I start to question life meanings and stuff. Like if all I've ever done is gonna mean something to somebody someday? Am I gonna find love again? Why would I ever eat a peanut butter and banana sandwich with mayonnaise? WHY DO PEOPLE EAT MAYONNAISE? Don't they know it's just fat spread across some white bread? Why don't people realize that music is important?

But my most recent wanderings of the mind as of late have been about whether or not I can be happy with myself. Self discovery is interesting, you learn a lot about what you believe in and what makes you tick. I think everyone needs a self discovery trip at least once every 9 weeks. Mine is teaching me to love myself when other people told me they didn't like me the way I was, either appearance wise or how I acted. Also I'm trying different things, mostly ideas that will just help me be a happier person, but I'm really trying to define myself as a person. So far I know who I am, and what I want, now I have to define the means to get what I want. Although right now the means to get what I want are to move away from the computer and fix some freakin cereal cause my stomach is severely upset we skipped dinner last night.

So far I am happy with myself, sure there are things I need to fix but for some reason I don't worry as much about stuff that has to do with me, just more or less about school worries now. Like how ECU has the slowest updates to financial aid that I have ever seen in my life, and I NEED TO HAVE MY MONEY NOW FOR SCHOOL!!!!!... But yeah beyond that I am pretty happy with myself at the present.

I wish the best to everyone on their self discovery trips, but please for the both of us at least bring along some sweet rocking jams because for me, dancing is an amazing stress reliever in times of self doubt. AKA Mike Posner and Lady Gaga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU1ekhUVN_E

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4I_1Jdi7PkI

Music For Music's Sake

Today at work I had a thought, if music is considered a fine art, then are all musicians artists? Sometimes I feel like I'm not really an artist but an interpreter of music. I think that the glory should go more to the composer than to the man or woman playing the work. Sure sometimes it takes great skill, speed, and accuracy to interpret a piece of music. But other times it's more or less the ability of the musician to just get their head out of their ass and play the notes on the page.

I understand that sometimes we "feel" a certain way by a passage in a sonata, or the lyrics chosen for us to sing are "moving", but should we really be putting our own emotion into music? Should it really be all about how we are truly magnificent performers and less about the music itself. The idea of Music for Music's sake is an interesting one. Music is there simply because it has to be, it is a form of expression. It is also a rhythm that keeps life going, and it is a melody that is unique to each individual. But should music be there all on it's own or should we add to it?

I think that we should do our best to interpret the music the way the composer wanted it. I find it so funny sometimes when I'm looking at a piece of music and thinking okay this is how I want this to sound, but then I'm asking myself but is this how Beethoven wanted? Sure we don't really know how he wanted it because he's dead and that would be awkward to ask a great master like Beethoven "Hey these eighth notes, are they supposed to be detached or together?" He would smack us in the face with his awesome-ness and scream some horrible thing in German about why did we bring him back to life to ask a stupid question like that, cause he wrote a slur for a reason.

Interpreters of great masters, that's a pretty cool title, but I like musician better. Sure I like to add my own emotion into the piece but not at the sake of ruining the way the composer wanted things to be done. It's a tricky business, and people either love what you do or they hate it. Finding the perfect balance is what I strive for, my thoughts and the thoughts of the person responsible for the music.

So go out there and make some great music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ellD1fS4tWA&feature=related

Never Ending Summer

I have been toying around with the idea of a blog for a while first from my friend Anya and now my friend Diana as well, so I thought hey why not? It's actually a really cool idea now that I look at it. Just writing out your life and about things that you find important and interesting. Like a journal you're not afraid to share with anybody, but not really a journal at all.

But yeah it is already a cool idea and I'm gonna just throw out something that was on my mind the other day.... Elephant guns. Not that I'm all for elephants being killed just for the sale of ivory... but I really want to just shoot something with one of these bad boys.

Originally called a 20mm anti-tank rifle, now called the "Elephant Gun" because one shot from this guy and you could probably take out an elephant. Such power behind a single machine, and for some reason I was just thinking... what would it be like to fire one of these off? Huh, crazy right? But yeah my mind likes to wander on such subjects.